The Kindle B gave me for Christmas has really come into its own – easy to read in bed, and I have been enjoying ex-Bishop Richard Holloway’s “Leaving Alexandria”. By his own admission, he is a self-conscious but skilled performer/writer, brilliant, I think, but I bet difficult to live with. He says much that I want to assent to, and which I think is not unrelated to my current experiences. His theme is the (false) certainties of religion, the cruelties these can lead to,and his own uncertainty; and I am up against the (false?) certainties of medical science as they have been presented to me, the cruelties these can lead to, and my own uncertainties.
Generally, post-op is proving at present to be less psychologically tough than pre-op. This is down to the fantastic support and love of B in particular, as well as the kind messages I have had from so many of you. Also probably down to the fact that I am simply busy getting physically better most of the time, and enjoying being pampered. The knowledge that I am categorically forbidden to iron or to vacuum for the next 6 weeks is cheering (though to be honest the ironing basket is used to this level of neglect –). But I am easily tipped into tears, and on and off experience a sense of failure for not holding out against the medical establishment. Almost as if I have been hypocritical in the end. B says that what I did was take an impossible decision, and I think that’s helpful. I’m trying just now not to think about further impossible decisions that may need taking in the future.
The Blog is going public – I am curious to see what happens!